


Someone You Loved

by Say_Anything



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora reflects on her relationship with Glimmer before it fell apart, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Post-Season/Series 04, but pre season 5?, diary thief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22480291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Say_Anything/pseuds/Say_Anything
Summary: Unable to sleep and haunted by the events of the past few weeks, Adora finds solace in an unlikely place. (It's Glimmer's diary)
Relationships: Adora/Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 78





	Someone You Loved

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty spice for you all this fine day.   
> Adora reading Glimmer's diary is problematic, but also really soft, so here you go.

_‘Maybe your best isn’t good enough. If it was my mother would still be here!’_

Adora jolted awake, her entire body covered in a cold sweat. Not entirely coherent enough to know where she was at first, drowning under the wave of panic that engulfed her, Adora reached instinctively for the sword—only to feel sharp shards beneath her fingertips.

She remembered then. The sword lay in pieces on her bedside table. She was back in Bright Moon. In her room. Bow had forced her to sleep after… Everything. It had only been a few days since the Heart of Etheria almost destroyed the world, and the Princess Alliance was scrambling to come up with their next move.

Horde Prime was here. His ships floated in the sky, his troops had landed yesterday and were covering more and more of Etheria with each passing hour. Adora had been up for days, non-stop, working with the others to come up with some sort of battle plan—one without She-Ra.

It wasn’t until she’d fallen asleep in the war room, nearly banging her head against the battle projector that Bow had insisted she get a few hours rest. She’d denied him, of course, there was work to be done. But the other Princesses had refused to do anything until she left.

Adora hadn’t been expecting sleep to come easy, but the second her head hit the pillow, she was out—and entirely lost to her nightmares. Shadows, screams, the pain of the weapon coursing through her body, darkness, loneliness and fear. It all swirled around and around in her head, culminating finally in the echo of Glimmer’s harsh words.

The ones that had cut Adora deep, to her very core.

The ones that had made her question everything she’d ever known about the girl that had given her a new home when she had nowhere else to go.

Raising trembling hands to her face, Adora rubbed her eyes fiercely, inhaling deeply to try and control the shivers that wracked her body.

She used to go to Glimmer’s room when she had nightmares like this…

Slipping into the then princesses’ bed, sometimes waking her, sometimes not. But no matter the case, whether Glimmer smothered her in snuggles, of simply snored quietly beside her, the comfort of just being near her was enough.

They hadn’t shared a bed in a while though. Not since Glimmer had become queen. It wasn’t like Adora’s nightmares had stopped, but she’d been worried about bothering the new queen. She was always busy, under a lot of pressure, and Adora and Bow’s missions had kept them away from the castle so often anyway, that there wasn’t really a chance otherwise.

Adora felt a burning lump rising in her throat as she recalled those nights fondly.

Where had it all gone so wrong?

Throwing off the sheets that had tangled themselves around her legs, Adora shuffled out of her room and down the hall.

The castle was almost empty, nearly all the guards had been posted to their battle stations. If Horde Prime’s forces took Bright Moon, there was no hope for the Rebellion…. For all of Etheria.

And still they had no plan. No plan to stop Horde Prime, no plan to rescue Glimmer, no plan to save the universe.

Adora wasn’t quite sure where her feet were taking her until she ended up outside Glimmer’s door.

She paused when she realized where she was, one hand resting on the doorknob. Part of her felt that going inside would just hurt more; bring back the guilt, the anger, the frustration. But the other half wanted to reminisce in the warm nights she’d spent in here feeling safer and more… _loved_ than she had in her entire life.

Slowly pushing open the door, Adora slipped inside the dark and cold room. Everything was absolutely still, the only light coming from the new stars outside the large window. Adora looked around the room, as if searching for something new, some clue to find Glimmer. But it was the same as it had been the last night she’d been in here. The night Glimmer had told her she would stay…

She remembered the way Glimmer had looked at her that night. As if all of their previous arguments, the mounting frustrations, the bitterness—as if it had all slipped away. For that one moment, things felt familiar and comforting and Glimmer had smiled at her, so soft and reassuring. If Bow and the others hadn’t burst in a moment later, Adora wondered if she would have had the courage to do what her heart had been telling her to.

Slowly, Adora approached the steps that lead to Glimmer’s hanging nest-bed. She hadn’t known why Glimmer insisted on keeping them, especially as Queen, when she now had full access to the Moonstone’s power and didn’t need to recharge. It suddenly struck her, now that she was alone, that maybe Glimmer had done it for her sake. Maybe, after a while, she’d just started expecting Adora to come. And having the stairs there were far more convenient than having to wake up to teleport them both. If that were the case, then the fact that she’d kept them, even after they’d begun arguing day-after-day—it made Adora feel sick with guilt.

Taking each step carefully, knowing there was literally no one here now to catch her if she fell, Adora eventually made it to the hanging bed, carefully lowering herself into the soft mattress. It was cold. Not something Adora was used to associating it with. Her memory told her it would be warm, filled with blankets and pillows, and a soft sleeping body bundled in the middle of it all. Instead she was greeted with a few messy blankets and an empty mattress.

Trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut, Adora crawled on her hands and knees, careful as the bed began to swing. There were mornings that she’d used that to her advantage. Pouncing on Glimmer and literally knocking her out of the bed. It—probably wasn’t the kindest wake up strategy—but it was always effective and Glimmer, grumpy as she might be at first, always managed to shake it off before training began in earnest.

Adora found herself lying down on Glimmer’s side of the bed, even with her absence it felt softer, more lived in. Reaching down, Adora pulled the cold blanket up, tucking it under her chin and burying her face in the plush pillow. It still smelled like Glimmer. Like vanilla and lilacs, and somehow like glitter itself. The thought brought a small smile to Adora’s lips and she adjusted herself to breathe the scent in deeper when suddenly she felt something hard beneath the pillow.

More curious than confused, Adora reached underneath the pillow, pulling out something hard and square. Sitting up, she blinked at the object, trying to make out what it was in the moonlight.

Glimmer’s journal.

Adora’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. Immediately, she knew she shouldn’t read it. She should just put it back and forget she ever saw it. To breach Glimmer’s privacy like this would be unacceptable. If someone ever found and read _her_ logbook, she’d never let them hear the end of it.

…But...

Adora didn’t even know where Glimmer was right now. Bow had said she’d been beamed up to Horde Prime’s ship. But what did that mean? Was she being tortured? Did she have access to her powers? Was she even still alive? Adora had no idea and right now, with the journal resting heavy in her hands, she felt closer to Glimmer than she had in weeks.

In the end, the internal moral battle was short lived. Adora opened the journal, flipping to one of the first pages. It was a very short entry, dated the same day that Adora had met her and Bow in the Whispering Woods.

‘Dear Mom, I know you’ll never read this. But I have to say it somewhere. I feel like you don’t respect me’

The entry ended in a long scribble that trailed off the page. Adora followed it with her fingers, wondering what it was that had startled Glimmer enough to have her completely abandon the somewhat furious journal entry. It made her heart ache to imagine Glimmer ever wanting to say these words to Angella now. She knew that after everything Glimmer probably felt the same.

Laying back against the pillow, Adora flipped through the pages, briefly scanning each one before moving on. Most of the entries were rather short, detailing their fights against the Horde, or how they’d met the other Princesses, or how Swift Wind had managed to get on her nerves that particular day. But one entry caught Adora’s eye and she stopped, peering through the darkness at the loopy script.

‘I hate Catra. I hate her. She’s a monster and she’ll do anything—whatever it takes to win. Including hurting her own friend. Does she even know what that word means? She tried to kill Adora today. And we barely won the battle. If it hadn’t been for Mermista and the other Princesses showing up… I don’t want to think about what would have happened. Adora had me patch up her injuries after. It was…Really hard to see them.

I.

Hate.

Catra.’

Adora’s concentrated frown deepened as she recalled the night Glimmer was referring to. The night that they’d won the Battle of Bright Moon.

* * *

_The pain in Adora’s back was excruciating, but Glimmer’s hands were soft and cool and they moved over her skin gently. Despite herself, Adora couldn’t help but think back to her training days in the Horde, when she and her squad mates would take turns patching each other up after particularly rough sessions. Lonnie’s hands had been the smoothest, but even that wasn’t saying much as she was just as calloused as the rest of them. But her touch was certainly gentler than Rogelio’s… Or Catra’s. The claws certainly didn’t help._

_Glimmer’s hands felt like feathers upon her burning skin._

_She hadn’t asked for Glimmer’s help. In fact, her first instinct had been to retire to her own room and deal with the injuries herself. Displays of physical weakness were discouraged in the Horde, after all. And besides… It was hardly anything more than a few scratches. She would have been fine._

_But, of course, Glimmer had chosen the exact moment she’d been stripping off her shirt to barge into her room, gasping loud enough to alert Bow, who panicked and ran for the healers immediately._

_After the initial chaos died down, and Glimmer had recovered from the sight of blood dripping down Adora’s back, she’d insisted on doctoring her. Adora knew there was no use in telling her no, so she’d taken a seat on one of the ottomans in her room, holding a towel to her chest while Glimmer worked diligently on her bare back._

_The wounds stung—in more ways than one, but Glimmer was so gentle as she brushed a healing ointment over the red, swelling skin. She worked in silence, for which Adora was grateful. There wasn’t much to say, at least on her end. But she could sense the tension in Glimmer’s body and knew her silence was probably due to frustration, not consideration._

_Neither of them spoke until Glimmer replaced the lid on the ointment jar and reached for the roll of gauze bandages that Bow had retrieved._

_“Lift up your arms,” Glimmer ordered in a tone so commanding it almost surprised Adora._

_“I—I can do it,” Adora insisted somewhat weakly as she turned, reaching for the roll, but Glimmer held it aloft, as if their height difference wasn’t significant enough for Adora to just reach up and grab it._

_“Oh, can you?”_

_Frowning at the challenge, Adora stretched for the bandages, immediately regretting it when a fire blazed through her back. She doubled over, gasping in pain, and the triumphant grin on Glimmer’s face immediately disappeared._

_“Adora!” She dropped to her knees in front of the blonde, and Adora placed her hands on Glimmer’s shoulders to steady herself, in too much pain to notice the towel she’d been holding to cover herself had slipped significantly._

_Glimmer’s eyes were suddenly very intently focused on her face and she reached up to cup it, stroking her thumbs across flushed cheeks. “Adora?”_

_Adora swallowed the pained gasp that threatened to spill out. “Sorry. I’m… I’m fine.”_

_“You’re not fine,” Glimmer insisted. “Catra really hurt you. Will you please let me help?”_

_Glimmer reached blindly for the towel with one hand, giving it back to Adora, who clutched it to herself like a lifeline._

_After a brief pause, Adora nodded and Glimmer did too, patting her cheek once before standing and beginning to unroll a bit of the gauze._

_Trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks, Adora squeezed her eyes shut as Glimmer took away the bloodied towel and began to methodically wrap the bandages around her torso. She wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt so self-conscious. Communal changing rooms were standard in the Horde. She’d been bare in front of her friends plenty of times._

_So why did it_ feel _different now?_

_Why did everything with Glimmer make her feel shaky?_

_Part of her wanted to ask, as if Glimmer might have some answer that Adora didn’t already know deep down. She’d felt like this before, a long time ago, back when she was younger. Back when she and Catra weren’t quite literally trying to kill each other. She remembered the shaking hands and flushing cheeks, the stuttering heartbeats at gentle touches. She also remembered it fading once she’d left the Horde, the heartache disappearing as she came to know the other princesses._

_She hadn’t known what to call it back in the Horde. Honestly, she hadn’t thought she’d ever feel it again. And even now, it was different. There was no competitiveness with Glimmer. The flutter in her chest wasn’t laced with a desire to prove herself to the object of her affection. It felt softer, it made her warm with happiness. When she felt it, when she looked at Glimmer, she wanted to live forever in those moments of utter joy._

_“Done.” Glimmer’s clipped tone brought Adora back from her thoughts and she looked down to see the bandages wrapped fully around her torso._

_“We’ll have to change them tomorrow; the bleeding is still pretty bad and the risk of infection is something we have to worry about too,” Glimmer continued almost to herself as she moved about the room, cleaning up the ointment and bloodied towels. Adora reached out, almost unconsciously, taking the princesses’ hand and squeezing until lilac eyes met hers._

_“Thank you, Glim,” she murmured as sincerely as she could, despite the heat flushing her cheeks as Glimmer stared at her. “For—I guess even She-Ra needs help licking her wounds sometimes.”_

_Adora tried for a laugh but Glimmer’s face hardened into a frown and she knelt in front of Adora again. The gesture was a little unnecessary, considering their height difference, but it brought Glimmer into her space significantly, and Adora couldn’t help but shy away slightly. She felt utterly exposed by little more than an intense stare._

_“You’re not always She-Ra,” Glimmer insisted. “You’re Adora too. And whether you like it or not, Adora is human just like the rest of us. She needs help too sometimes.”_

_Adora’s eyes fell to the floor, a hot wash of shame flooding through her. She flinched when Glimmer’s fingers landed on her cheek again, guiding her face until their eyes met once more._

_“And as your friend, it’s my responsibility to be there for you when you need it. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, Adora. Okay?”_

_Slowly, enraptured by the sparkle in Glimmer’s eyes, Adora nodded allowing herself to lean into the princesses’ touch._

_“Okay.”_

_Glimmer smiled then, so brightly that Adora felt her heart skip several beats in her chest._

_“I’ll go get Bow now, he’ll want to see that you’re not actually dead before he gets any sleep tonight.”_

_She disappeared in a flash of sparkles before Adora could say anything, leaving her to her thoughts and fluttering heart._

* * *

Adora reread the words over and over again as the memory flooded through her. She remembered recognizing how strangely Glimmer made her feel after rescuing her from the Fright Zone. Glimmer seemed to have changed then as well. They were friends, of course. They always had been. But afterwards, Adora had noticed a shift in the way it felt to be around Glimmer. Their snuggles became more… snuggly. Their battle training more intense. Adora caught many sideways glances from Glimmer that never failed to make her squeak and teleport away with some garbled excuse. They touched a lot more. Their hands brushed often whenever they traveled on missions. Adora remembered always finding her fingers itching to grab on and hold, but the touches were too brief to solidify.

Her feelings for Glimmer had developed slowly, almost unconsciously, but they were there. She wondered now, if Glimmer ever felt the same. Or if everything she’d assumed had been coincidence. After all, if Glimmer ever really cared for her… How could she have said the things she did? How could she have let Shadow Weaver wander the castle? How could she have ignored what Adora was telling her about the Heart of Etheria? How—?

Stopping the thoughts that had run circles around her head for days now, Adora flipped through a few more pages, stopping randomly on an entry dated just after they’d retaken the pass and fortress from the Horde. (After a grueling planning session, Adora recalled.)

‘Adora tries really hard. She always has. I mean, I thought it was really valiant (?) at first, I guess? But, the more I see her try, the more I realize how much she thinks she’s just failing. She doesn’t like to depend on us. She just wants to protect us. She feels like it’s all her responsibility. All of it. The _whole_ war. It’s kind of frustrating…. I don’t know how to talk to her about it. To let her know that I’m here for her. That I want to be her knight too.

Gods that’s so cheesy… Bow, if you’re reading this, I will punish you for laughing at me.

I just can’t stop thinking about how she rescued me from the Fright Zone. It’s been weeks now, but… she was willing to give up everything. She-Ra, her home in Bright Moon, the Rebellion. For me? Am I crazy? Maybe she had some other reason… Maybe to get back to Catra? I don’t know. But I can’t think like that, because the jealousy is gonna drive me crazy.

I wish I could just tell her. I wanna tell her everything. But I don’t wanna scare her away. She could never feel the same way. She’s Adora. I’m just me. I’m Glimmer. No one’s ever seen me the way I want her to.

I know this entry isn’t making a lot of sense. I’m just GAAH. Gonna go punch something.’

* * *

_They were giggling, they’d been giggling haplessly for the better part of an hour now. And it was getting late, really late. Maybe that’s why Adora felt so loopy right now, like how she did when her sword got infected._

_Glimmer had shown her what tickling was tonight and Adora loved and hated it in equal measure. She’d pounced almost immediately after Adora asked what it was, sitting on her hips and running her fingers down Adora’s ribs, so lightly that she couldn’t help but squirm and thrash in an effort to throw Glimmer off. But the princess was surprisingly strong when she wanted to be._

_Now they lay facing each other, foreheads nearly touching as they looked into each other’s eyes. Adora couldn’t fight the smile that kept stretching her lips as she gazed at Glimmer, who continued to snort-giggle every few seconds._

_“What?” Adora chuckled. “What’s so funny?”_

_Glimmer shook her head and reached for Adora’s ribs again, raising her hand innocently when Adora flinched._

_“I won’t do anything! Princesses’ honor.”_

_Adora narrowed her eyes when Glimmer bit her lip to hide another obvious smile; but when she moved again she didn’t stop her._

_She should have._

_The second Glimmer’s hand landed; her fingers were dancing over Adora’s ribcage again._

_“Glimmer! You swore!”_

_“My honor as a princess means nothing!” She laughed, tickling Adora harder the more she squirmed away. “I’m a rebel first and foremost, remember? And you are at my mercy.”_

_“Doesn’t matter if you’re a rebel!” Adora choked through her laughter. “We’re on the same side!”_

_Glimmer decided to ignore that logic and tickle her harder, following her when Adora rolled away to escape and then they were falling, the world spinning._

_Before Adora could even shout, a flash of light filled her vision and she felt the mattress against her back and a warm pressure on her stomach. Daring to open her eyes, she could make out Glimmer in the darkness above her… closer than she’d expected, the tips of their noses almost touching. Both of Glimmer’s hands were braced on either side of her head, fingers clenching in the pillow. She sat on Adora’s midsection, her thighs straddling the blonde’s hips._

_Adora was about to speak when she caught the look in Glimmer’s eye, and then she felt her own pulse begin to quicken. She couldn’t really describe how Glimmer was looking at her… Like, maybe she was the sun itself. But she was suddenly very aware of Glimmer’s proximity, and the warmth of being trapped underneath her, and the throat and mouth went as dry as the Crimson Waste. The silence stretched, and it was beginning to make Adora squirm. Searching for something to say, anything, she finally ended up with:_

_“W—what now, Rebel scum?” She offered a teasing grin, hoping that would ease the tension that stifled the air._

_“I—,” Glimmer cut herself off, and Adora saw her cheeks flush dark. Before she could say anything else though, Glimmer rolled off her and curled into a ball on her side of the bed._

_“We should probably sleep now, it’s late,” she mumbled from inside her blankets._

_“Hey,” Adora rolled over, placing a gentle hand on Glimmer’s back. “You okay?”_

_“M’fine!” Glimmer assured her, even as she flinched away from Adora’s touch. “Just—,” she yawned, “—tired.”_

_“All that betrayal?” Adora tried again to rouse her, but Glimmer’s chuckle was half-hearted._

_“Yeah, all that.”_

_Heart sinking, Adora rolled away, laying on her back on her side of the bed and staring up at the high ceiling above them. She wanted desperately to ask if she’d done something wrong, but her tongue wouldn’t form the words. The silence stretched between them for a long time, until finally, when Adora was sure Glimmer was asleep, she murmured her name._

_“Glimmer?”_

_There was a pause, then a short sigh. “Adora?”_

_“Did you wanna cuddle?”_

_Glimmer had introduced Adora to the concept on only her third night in Bright Moon and she’d been in love with it ever since. Or at least, she liked doing it with Glimmer. She was soft and warm and smelled nice. Adora wasn’t sure how she’d like snuggling with Bow. Or maybe Mermista or Perfuma. She was sure Perfuma probably smelled nice but—_

_“Big or little?” Glimmer asked after a moment, but Adora couldn’t help but notice how dull her voice sounded._

_“Little.” Adora’s voice came out just as small as the word. She was often little after her nightmares. She hadn’t had a nightmare now, obviously, but with her insecurities attacking her in an onslaught, she wanted nothing more than to be held. To feel cared for. Like she hadn’t just made some kind of mistake._

_Wordlessly, Glimmer turned and tucked herself against Adora’s back, slinging one arm around the blonde’s middle and pulling her close, but not too tight, as they’d discovered that made Adora feel trapped._

_Already comforted by the touch, Adora snuggled back against her, resting one hand against the one Glimmer had draped across her stomach._

_“Are you sure you’re okay?” Adora asked, voice timid._

_To her surprise, the tension in Glimmer’s tone and body had softened significantly and she nuzzled her face against the back of Adora’s neck before responding._

_“I’m okay, promise.”_

_Adora fell asleep soon after, curled in the princesses’ arms._

* * *

Adora felt the hot sting of tears pricking her eyes as she reread the entry. So, Glimmer’s actions hadn’t been a figment of her imagination. Not in the beginning anyway. Her memories couldn’t all be lying to her.

Maybe a later entry would tell her why Glimmer had changed?

Eager to find an answer, Adora flipped to the last page with writing on it. There were only two words, but they reached into Adora’s chest and pulled out her heart.

‘She’s gone.’

Squeezing her eyes shut, as if to block out the words, Adora closed the journal and shoved it back underneath the pillow. She tugged the blanket up around her shoulders, trying to ignore the shivers that now wracked her body. She wished Glimmer was here. She wished they hadn’t spent their last few hours together fighting. She wished, more than anything, that they could just hold each other like they used to.

Maybe they would. Maybe Adora would find her again, rescue her like the knight she so badly wanted to be. Maybe they would sit down and talk and communicate and listen to what the other was saying. Maybe they would cry and laugh and hug one another and slowly…. Maybe they’d build back up to where they used to be.

Where Adora so badly wanted to be.

Maybe.

Maybe someday.

After some fruitless tossing and turning, Adora fell asleep alone, curled in cold blankets. Once again, her dreams swept her into chaos, tossing her about a dark sea until dawn broke and she woke to an empty room.

She sat in the bed for a while, staring at the sun as it rose outside the window until a knock on the door startled her out of her reverie.

“Adora?” Bow’s voice. “You in there?”

“Yeah. Yes! Sorry,” Adora scrambled (carefully) down the steps and opened the door to see a haggard looking Bow standing before her. “I couldn’t sleep…”

Bow looked up at Glimmer’s bed, his eyes darkening with pain. Electing not to mention their absent friend, Bow held out his hand for Adora.

“We’re about to start another strategy meeting? You ready?”

Without hesitation, Adora took Bow’s hand and stepped out of the room.

“Ready.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> All comment/thoughts are welcome!


End file.
